3 Challenges of Social Media and Courageous Parenting

Today in class, Dr. Coyne talked about a presentation she gave at BYU's Women's Conference and I was so impressed with what she had to say that I feel like I should make a blog post on it.  She presented 3 challenges of social media and three solutions for us to change in ourselves and to teach to the rising generations.

Challenge 1: Generation "Me"
We live in a generation that is currently all about what I am doing, what I am eating, what I am wearing.  We are notorious for the "humble brag."  There is a simple answer to the Generation "Me."

 Generation "Him" as in Generation "Christ."  

If we are to change social media from Me to Him we have to teach our children and those in the rising generation humility.  As President Uchtdorf (of the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) has said, we do not discover humility by thinking less of ourselves but by thinking less about ourselves.

Challenge 2: Technoference
This is the idea that technology is interfering with our real-life relationships.  We may be missing opportunities to strengthen real relationships because we are so distracted by online relationships.  The solution to technoference is two-part.

Choose people over technology.

 Dr. Coyne said this is her catch-phrase with her children.  Her children hear "I would like you to choose me over technology right now" or "I would like you to choose your friends over that video game right now," all the time.  I really love this solution.

Practice and teach self-regulation.

Self-regulation is a skill that should be applied to all situations.  It is the ability to control your appetites and impulses and also direct your behaviors.  Learning to do this on our own will make it easier to teach to the rising generation.

Challenge 3: Conflicting and Controversial Messages on Social Media

We are all bombarded with ideas and beliefs on social media that are contrary to our own.  For those of us who are Mormon, we encounter a lot of anti-Mormon rhetoric because of our beliefs don't match up with popular political beliefs.  Some people run from these encounters, others fight it head on, and others just pretend that it doesn't really exist.  The solution to these messages is powerful.

Be more pre-arming and less cocooning. 

Pre-arming is a very powerful idea.  It is the idea that as parents we should teach our children what challenges they might encounter and give them the skills to overcome those challenges.  Parents who pre-arm are essentially giving their children armor with a sword so that they can be protected from attacks but also able to fight for what is right.  Cocooning is over-protection.  Instead of giving their child armor and a sword, a parent who cocoons would basically wrap their child in as much bubble-wrap as they possible could.  Cocooning could be synonymous to raising your child in a very tight bubble.

Dr. Coyne finished this part of the lecture with a quote by Elder Larry R Lawrence.  Elder Lawrence was my stake president and eye doctor while I was growing up.  He said, "Parenting teenagers in the latter days is a very humbling assignment. Satan and his followers are striving to bring this generation down; the Lord is counting on valiant parents to bring them up. Parents, “Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid” (Joshua 1:9). I know that God hears and will answer your prayers. I testify that the Lord supports and blesses courageous parents. "

I just want to add my voice as a new parent.  It's a scary thing raising a child in the world today but I know that God wants each of His children to be happy and healthy.  He will support and bless me, Tara, and every other parent out there as they are courageously trying to overcome the challenges that we face today.

Look Up

Recently I have found myself taking a lot of pictures and videos of Ella.  As any new father or mother would agree, this is not a bad habit.  But I have been thinking a lot about why I am taking these pictures and videos.  I tell myself that I take these videos and photos so that I have a record of these cute developmental milestones in the future.  While this motive is pure and honorable, when I take these photos and videos I wonder to myself if I am missing a moment by trying to preserve a moment. Am I watching these moments through my own eyes or am I watching these moments through the lens of my iPhone 6s Plus's 12-megapixel rear-facing camera? 

We watched this video in class today.  It has a powerful message and challenge for each one of us.  Do you think you are seeing the world and what it has to offer through your own eyes or through the screen of a phone?  Are you so afraid of missing out on the next big meme or Facebook announcement that you miss the person walking by you that could have literally changed your life?  

I am not going to stop taking videos and pictures of Ella.  I want to preserve those memories. However, I do want to be able to say that I witnessed my daughter's life through my own eyes and not through my own screen.  There are too many opportunities staring us in the face that we miss because we are staring at our own faces through the reflection of a phone screen. I want more out of life than likes and sore thumbs. 

It is time to look up more than we scroll up.

I think we can all make a commitment to take at least an hour of our day to put our phones down (to put down any media for that matter) and do something to reinvigorate our relationships with those standing right in front of us.  

I challenge you to take the time to look up today. 

Leave a comment with your acceptance of the challenge and any thoughts you might have to go along with your acceptance.

Ouch that hurt!

This video resurfaced on my Facebook today.  It's a video of a family getting shot by paint-balls to represent swear words and graphic aggression shown in media outlets today.  Could you imagine if media was this blatantly harmful how we would change our viewing habits?  Why is it that we allow our viewing habits to be so relaxed when media is this harmful but in a more subtle and conniving way?  

I think it is cool that companies like Vidangel are advocating for protecting families from the subtle dangers of the media.  The emotional and mental harm is just as real as the physical harm depicted.  It should be a wake-up call to all of us but is it?

Real Beauty

While this may not be my wife's favorite picture
it is the first time I saw real beauty in it's fullest form

At the end of our lecture on gender and the media we talked about a concept called, "Real Beauty".  There is so much more to beauty than just what the magazines, movies, and television tell us is beautiful.  After that lecture I thought about what real beauty means to me.  I can pinpoint the very day that I learned what real beauty is.  That day is September 6, 2015.  This was the day that my daughter, Ella was born.  In the moment that Ella was born I watched as Tara, my wife, sacrificed her body, her time, and her everything to be a mother.  

Now I watch my wife every day.  She may not realize I am watching but I am.  I watch her check out her stretch marks and wish they were gone.  I watch her step on the scale and be dissatisfied. I watch as she tries on outfit after outfit trying to get ready for the day and feeling like nothing fits right anymore.  I watch her as she gets overwhelmed with motherhood and breaks down in tears.  

As I watch her, I notice all the sacrifices she has made BUT motherhood fits better on Tara than any outfit ever did.  As she's become a mother, there may have been some physical changes BUT these changes have only made me love her more.  I see a woman who is strong, courageous, vulnerable, and willing to sacrifice. I see real beauty.